Soft Skills?
Is there really such a thing as “soft” and “hard” skills when it comes to leadership?
Which one you believe makes the most difference is likely to be the one you elevate above the other.
I remember shaking his hand as he prepared to leave the business on his last day. There was genuine warmth in that handshake—it wasn’t just a formality. But he was leaving.
About four weeks earlier, one of my senior team members had asked for a “quick chat” at the end of the day, just before home time. “No problem,” I had said, but internally, I wondered what issue was coming my way. When we sat down, he told me he was leaving—he’d found another job, closer to home. The usual reasons people give when they hand in their notice.
As a leader, you invest a great deal of emotional energy into your team, and in that moment, my focus was on him—asking how he felt, congratulating him on securing the role, and acknowledging the effort it takes to stand out in a competitive recruitment process. But beneath that surface, I felt something else: relief. I realized that his departure could be a positive turning point for the team. A significant barrier to the culture we were trying to build was about to walk out the door.
The Misunderstood Power of Soft Skills
Soft skills—those attributes often dismissed as secondary to “hard skills”—are challenging to quantify yet vital to leadership. I’ve been told that soft skills include things like caring about team culture, holding one-on-one meetings, and improving communication. To me, they are the core of what makes us human: the ability to build relationships, to care, to empathize, to listen, and to tell stories.
These skills don’t dominate MBA curriculums. They don’t feature in the financial statements or strategic planning sessions. They aren’t part of the “cut and thrust” of business operations. Yet, I’d argue they are the most critical skills for any leader. And they are often overlooked.
At the start of my leadership journey, I was presented with a false choice between soft and hard skills. Many of my peers believed soft skills were a luxury, not a necessity. Their advice was practical—focused on establishing authority, managing budgets, and enforcing performance standards. They cautioned me against maintaining close relationships with former peers, warning that authority required distance. They emphasized the need to make tough financial decisions, including potential redundancies. According to them, relationship-building and setting expectations were distractions from the real work of leadership.
But I found their perspective profoundly confusing. Why did leadership have to come at the cost of connection?
Lessons from an Exit Interview
A few weeks after my team member resigned, we sat down for what HR calls an “exit interview.” It was an eye-opening conversation. He spoke about not feeling like he “fit in” and having concerns about the direction of the team. In essence, he was talking about culture—the invisible values and behaviors we were working to shape.
Ironically, the effort to define our culture—using what many would call soft skills—had ultimately led to his departure. I had naively believed that everyone would embrace the changes we were working on. I did everything I could to make the process inclusive, to create a shared vision of what our workplace should feel like. But his resignation brought an important realization: building a strong culture sometimes means losing people who don’t align with it.
This was a pivotal leadership lesson for me—team culture must take precedence over individual needs and even individual performance. A thriving culture drives long-term success, and that means making difficult choices along the way.
Rethinking the Soft vs. Hard Skills Debate
The experience led me to rethink the conventional division of skills into “soft” and “hard” categories. Soft skills don’t always lead to “soft” outcomes, just as hard skills don’t always result in layoffs and cost-cutting. In reality, they are all just skills, equally essential to leadership.
Looking back, I would advise my younger self to abandon the false distinction between hard and soft skills. Perhaps a better way to categorize them is as management skills and leadership skills. Those who come from financial or operational backgrounds often have strong management skills—budgeting, reporting, and efficiency. Meanwhile, those with experience in project-based or people-centric roles tend to develop leadership skills—collaboration, motivation, and vision.
Mastering both skill sets is crucial. Culture, in particular, is one of the most challenging yet rewarding aspects of leadership. Building a culture that delivers results requires resilience and a willingness to make tough decisions. Whether those decisions stem from hard or soft skills, the outcome is the same—people may leave, but the right culture will drive sustainable success.
To aspiring leaders, my message is simple: Don’t underestimate the power of culture. It’s not just about creating a feel-good environment; it’s about building a foundation that fuels long-term performance. There’s nothing “soft” about delivering results through the right culture.